A conversation with myself

Hmm… Here it comes again…
The dying sense…
Fear…
Of the upcoming suffering…  

It’s not here yet…
Ah no… It’s here already…
I don’t need the doctor to tell me my problem…
I’ve been to it twice…
And that genious told me i’ve totally recovered…
But why does it keep coming???  

Take a deep breathe…
Try to fight it…
Keep my lungs full with air…
Fighting it from getting collapse…  

Damn…
Am i really fighting it…
Or i’m fighting nothing but my own trauma???

Damn…
I hate doctors…
I hate them telling me i’m alright when this pain keep coming…
Should i go see him again?

I hate to admit but I’m afraid…

i can’t bear for the bad news…
I can bear with any kind of pain but I can’t bear for more tears on her eyes…
I can bear lying helpless but i can’t bear being useless…

I have plans to do…
I have promise to keep…
I have responsibilities…
I have future…  

God… Is it now that i need your strength again?

Kristin
I’m fine…